This week, join me in this recap episode where I set out on an investigation on resilience. I wanted to bring this episode back given the hard times that we are all facing as a collective, and provide you with some helpful tools to build your resilience and build habits that can become healthy coping mechanisms for when things get hard.
Before you get reading, download this week's journal prompts that we prepared for you so that you can follow along with the episode!
In this episode, I reflect on my own lived experience, and how it sparked me to set out on a life journey of investigating resilience and humans’ ability to pick themselves up over and over again after facing hard things in life such as trauma and loss.
“I tell stories, I build community, I help people understand their own potential in an effort to name and understand their own resilience.” - Komal Minhas
Building Resilience When We Are Triggered
I talk about why I chose the topic of ‘Resilience and Rising When We Are Triggered’ for this week. After having committed to 100 days of my ‘MMRT’ morning routine and falling off it one morning after a long night, this caused me to go into a spiral of negative self-talk and of breaking down my own confidence. This response was triggered by the feeling of having “failed at something”, and it became a time for me to flex my resilience muscle and recognize the strength within myself.
Resilience is our ability to bounce back from hard things in life. “There’s a lot of vulnerability that comes from a setback, and it can trigger all sorts of emotional responses that we face when we go through triggering or hard situations.” [8:40]
- Komal Minhas
I also explore how the holidays can be triggering for many, and how triggers can cause us to fall back on old and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Using Doctor Kenneth Ginsburg’s Framework of the Seven C’s that can help build resilience, I examine what it can look like to pick ourselves back up and dust ourselves off and try again after having faced a hard thing, and what can contribute to humans building resilience.
My Perspective on The Seven C’s That Can Help Build Resilience In Children by Doctor Kenneth Ginsburg
I strongly believe that these apply to adults as well.
1. Competence - The feeling of knowing you can handle a situation effectively. Focusing on your individual strengths, and empowering yourself to make decisions.The ability of knowing you can handle a situation, and reminding yourself of moments when you were competent.
2. Confidence - Confidence is built on competence. When you believe you are competent, you start to build your confidence. I talk about how it can be really hard to remember our confidence, especially after trauma and loss, and how It can usually be the first thing that ‘goes out the window’.
3. Connection - Developing close ties to family and community creates a sense of security and helps prevent self-destructive paths towards finding connection. Being able to express your emotions around your circle freely and having healthy relationships can create lasting impact. Feeling supported in our physical environments, and emotionally by the people around us.
“What a privilege. What a cool thing we get to do: create safe places for each other. We can make sure people feel loved and secure, and not exposed to violence, abuse, anger. We are in control of that.” - Komal Minhas
4. Character - Our solid set of morals and values to differentiate right from wrong. Seeing how our behaviors affect others, recognizing oneself as a caring person, recognizing the importance of community, avoiding hateful statements and stereotypes. Integrity is the greatest guiding force in my life, excellence, compassion, and grace.
“Being set in your character and values helps you know who you are. What you are willing to tolerate, and what you are not willing to tolerate. And while I think that a large part of my character has already been built by this point in my life, we can still bring in character and values that are important to us as we get older.” - Komal Minhas
5. Contribution - The world can be a better place because we are in it. The importance of contribution in the world around us is huge. Contribution is how we build community, and gives us a sense of our place in the world.
“In times of isolation, we can easily forget that we are a bigger part of an ecosystem.” - Komal Minhas
6. Coping - My habits, rituals, personal growth and development are things that I have in place for also becoming my coping mechanisms when things get hard, and they help me keep moving through hard things without falling into self-destructive patterns.
A big part of resilience is every time we fall off habits or go through something hard in our lives, if we are even a little bit better in how we deal and come out of it, that is a huge point of pride. If we can reinforce our habits and rituals that we can rely on when things get hard, whatever that habit or ritual can look like, you are able to put it in place for yourself for when times get hard, in a way that you can be proud of. Preparing ourselves for the hard things isn’t negativity, it’s a natural part of life.
7. Control - In hard circumstances, I can control parts of certain outcomes. This is about understanding that life events can be random and unexpected, but we always have control over our responses. Sometimes the biggest self-development happens when we are in our hardest moments. I can’t control everything in life, but I can control how I respond. I can look at these 7 C’s, and employ and flex my resilience muscle in my life.
I hope that hearing and reading about Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg’s C’s that build resilience was helpful, and that it inspired you to look at your own resilience and just how much you have come back from. Click the link below to read about them in detail.
If you want to find out more about the coaching program that I mentioned I was doing in this episode, head to Leah Brathwaite’s website to find out more about the ‘Live Free Lifestyle’ Program: https://www.thelivefreelifestyle.ca/
Here are the time Codes from this week’s episode:
[0:00 - 8:40] - I talk about why I chose the topic of ‘Resilience and Rising When We Are Triggered’ for this episode after experiencing a trigger that caused me to go into a spiral of negative self-talk and of breaking down my own confidence.
[11:29] - I explore how the holidays can be triggering for many, and how triggers can cause us to fall back on old and unhealthy coping mechanisms. I examine what it can look like to pick ourselves back up and dust ourselves off and try again after having faced a hard thing, and what can contribute to humans building resilience. I cover the C’s of “Competence and Confidence”.
[20:47] - I explore how building Connection, Character, and participating in Contribution to others and the communities around us can build resilience.
[32:32] - I talk about the final two ‘action’ oriented C’s: Coping and Control. I share with you how i have been able to build healthy coping mechanisms that aren’t self-destructive to myself when things get hard, and why it’s important to understand that life events can be random and unexpected, but we always have control over our responses.
“Remember how you rise and what you have come through.” - Komal Minhas
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Until next time!